when i wake up in the middle of the night and i can't go back to sleep, i pick a book and start reading. most of the time this activity calms me down and within 10-15 minutes I fall asleep. Last night i read a chapter from 'Beginner's Mind' by Suzuki. he talked about the mind and that the arising thoughts are like waves on the surface of the water. there is no water without waves. no waves without water. the difference is how we perceive the waves. At night it all seems so perfectly logical or at least understandable. And last night specifically. it felt like i had discovered some fundamental truth about thoughts, which is, that every idea or thought can be broken down into various little pieces and the smallest of them can be found in the now. all other pieces are just images used to create a certain phantasy about the near or fare future.. - i felt so happy about this discovery, it felt like a major break through, a huge discovery. like my life would be altered from now on....

I woke up this morning having a vague recollection of last nights discovery but i cannot grasp the magnitude or beauty of these waves anymore. Now equanimity should come into play....