it seems that all my life signs have pointed to 'the great outdoors'. Yet i settled for a city life, for a stone desert, for a cubicle. my life turned into a routine of 'to and from work'. and work was inside. at the desk. signs however, were everywhere. when i look at my childhood pictures i always notice that I have a big smile on my face, when i am outside. I remember feeling 'locked in' when the sun was shining outside and i had to stay inside. Years later, in the big city, i walked extra miles in the late afternoon just to catch the sunlight on the way home. most of the streets were already in the shade. most of the time. and i felt trapped again. I wonder whether my profession was really about the joy and ability of organizing or whether it was more about traveling. seeing the new. not being trapped 'inside' in the same spot time and again. where would i be now if i had payed attention? and in what direction does this move me now? i will find my place. i want to.