The days go by and they all seem one and the same. The weekends have lost there meaning. The day-off mentality has become pointless. there is no gateway. there is no escape. the restlessness stays, so does the anxiety. nights are not structured by dreams anymore, nor are days structured by work. no places to go. the sky seems endless and i wish i had one of these balloons in my yard. taking off. a new perspective. but i don't. I'm in the same room with the same view,  every day. Repetition is a slow death for me. last night i dreamt i was traveling and in one of the places i  visited, i had four hotel rooms at the same time. people asked me for directions. The movie last night 'after sunset' replayed in my dreams. open endings everywhere. loose ends. no ends. no answers. how can i walk toward any sort of goal if i don't know what the goal looks like or even what it could be. there is this vast ocean of possibilities and without a boat, one drowns. i have no compass and my sense of direction is distorted. my morning coffee is the first milestone of the day, my glass of wine the last. between lies a ball of yarn made of hope and despair.