I'm very nervous this morning. time is my enemy. the clock is running at a faster pace than usual. the cat is missing. again. since yesterday morning. the grey sky weighs heavily. the emptiness grows stronger. the peaceful moments of last night seem ages away. nothing stops the restlessness. the night was short. i woke up around 4 pm, later than usual. i opened the window. the cool air cooled off my body but not my running thoughts. the morning hours did not embrace me. the night did not refresh my system. the experience of last evening is still lingering. i hope. at least i tell myself, there is  the peaceful quietness in the little temple. the drums. the strong winds outside. the snowfall. the meditation. the advice. the dinner. the laughter. the listening. the search. 

and there is this morning, this reality. disconnected. a life scattered. a life out of control. the clock is running at a faster pace. this is no illusion. this is a fact.