Saturday morning. my cat came home yesterday. saturday morning. the sun is powerful today and the temperatures should rise above 32 F . I have to catch up with my every-other-day run, before I stop again. since I'm out of shape it's an effort to get myself motivated and going. I don't look forward to the run as I used to. it feels more like a have-to and not a want-to. I'm not enjoying how often i have to stop, because my heart is beating so fast. i try to catch my breath. i mourn the 'old day's' when I could run for an hour, almost effortlessly. of course i know that the only way to get back into condition is to train. every other day. but my system - or shall i say my psyche? - is more focused on coming up with excuses for today, why i should not run today, why it would be so much better to push the run to tomorrow. i spent so much time negotiating with myself about the run, that I could be back home already from the run! 

I truly wonder why the interruption of a routine results so very often in giving it up entirely. 

what is it that makes us forget how much we enjoyed what we did? what makes it so difficult to get back? what happened to the energy? why is it easier to sit around and think than it is to get up and going? i love to plan and structure, which isn't too bad of a quality. but i can get lost in trying to find the perfect plan, hours go by with planning and re-planing, because the time consumed by this process forces me to re-schedule the day again and again. On one hand I have a very good sense of time - how long things will take - on the other hand I have a tendency to say 'i don't have enough time' very easily, which - I think - is actually a synonym for saying ' i don't' want to do this' or 'i would like to do this, but not all the other crap'. But the real point here is, that the statements of lacking time is a way to frustrate me. i get very upset or even aggressive. and sometimes even in the early morning the day seems to be over and not worth getting started because 'it's too late already'. 

i better get up and running.  now. on this very Saturday.  before this day IS over........