on my drive home last night panic rode with me. it was about 9.15 pm when i left the pot luck dinner. I was relaxed as my thoughts were still busy with the various conversations i had. I drove along Route 29 and after about 5 minutes, i turned right onto Rock City Road. it's a small country road that winds it's way through rolling hills. Suddenly a banging sound entered my mind and I couldn't explain the sound. it came clearly from the back of my car, but what was it? and suddenly a creepy feeling entered my system  - what if someone is sitting right behind you? you did not pay attention when you got into the car in the parking lot, did you? the night rolled on and it got darker and darker outside. the trees seemed to hug the street and turned it into a dark tunnel of some sort. 

i tried to look back but that wasn't  a very good idea as the car got  out of the lane a bit. i turned the inside car lights on. i was nervous -  there is nobody on this road, no houses, the cell phone won't work. what if.. if what? the car has a security function. when you hit the control device once, only the driver's door unlocks. did i hit the button only once? why did i not put the large empty bowl on the back seat as usual? the road seemed endless. after a while, i got a hold on the first rational explanation> the trees have leaves now! I did not drive this road for two weeks. that's why it looks so enclosed, that why it enhances my fear. Did i really hear a strange noise?  - an eternity later, I reached 66. houses on the road side, dimmed light. my breathing calmed down, and I stopped speeding. I was home. safe. but the panic / fear attack had been so severe that it still lingered in my system. i turned all the lights on in the house, checked all rooms, opened all doors - except the one to the basement. somehow i managed to ignore the rising thoughts of basement terror. i poured myself a glass of wine. sat down. calmed down.

finally, I got up again and stepped outside. I looked up at the stars - I was safe again.