'trust your inner voice' , 'trust your intuition'. i have heard it, I've been told so, i have read about it. listening is the first step, trusting it is the second step and following  - which is the one I have the most problems with - is the third  step. I trust the voice if it calls for small actions in daily life. I can listen and i can follow through. but if this voice recommends action on a bigger scale it becomes a totally different story. I get desperate for reassurance because there is no point of reference, there is no comparison, there is no control. very often, its advise seems irrational,  it seems even 'counter productive ' for my life's set up -  if  judged by my mind. 

here is what i do when i hear the voices advise: i start asking others about it. I get my family involved, my friends and even acquaintances... the more opinions i can gather the merrier.. only to be left more confused.. there is no 'right' or 'wrong'. there is only the 'doing' or 'not doing'. it is as simple as that. but there is lots of time spent trying to set up rehearsals for the action. yet there are no rehearsals, it is always opening night. every time. 

maybe deep inside i do not trust that voice.. maybe it just seems like it.. because following that inner voice on a very small scale does not create any risk, does not call for any risk taking. So i do act upon it and yet i don't, because the 'outcome' does not really matter that much to me. 

this voice leads into the unknown. it opens doors and wants me to walk through them. i shut them time and again. i don't trust that voice - and - I'm afraid. that's what it comes down to.

very interesting. now, what if... ??