a friend of mine wrote to me the other day> I savor the joy of life i have now because i moved on and it is all in divine order<> you will be there before you know it. When you are on the other side you will look back and say - So that is what it was all about<.

'food for thought' as my aunt would call it, and very rightfully so. 

these few words carry so much faith and strength. they are based on the belief that there is a divine order in this world, a good orderly direction for everyone. that life is lived in waves and phases and that moving on and letting go will open new doorways and new pathways. even from a purely logical point of view this makes perfect sense. a cluttered mind, that mourns and harbors resentments and anger cannot, at the same time, invite new ideas and concepts. emptiness is necessary for the new to rise. 

Since living in this rural part of the country I have a new and different understanding about the seasons, i.e. There is a winter where all is put to rest and it seems like nothing would ever rise again. and yet there is also spring. and the transition between the two, filled with anxiety and patience. this basic truth is yet so hard to live. being "dormant" is very frightening. When I feel lost and without new perspectives or ideas, with no new signs on the horizon it is very easy to invite the past right back in, to fill the emptiness with old clutter, to regret, to be angry, to be upset, to beat myself up, to create a list of why-the-wish-for-change is silly and of course undo able.. 

and yet my girlfriend simply wrote... when you are on the other side and look back you will know what this was all about... and... you will be there before you know it...