Wednesday. The middle of the week. 

The Easter weekend seems so far away already. i feel very strange this morning, almost lost in a way. the sun is shining, the cat is purring and the house is quiet. 

i feel disconnected, locked into myself. 

i have no idea or perspective. which way shall I go? 

all i know is that I have to move on and find a pathway into the next chapter of my life. the quiet passiveness does not open new doors. I need to get started, i need a starting point. I need to take the first step. I want to. which thoughts can i trust? what is true intuition? it doesn't make sense to give up my new york apartment from a purely rational point of view. but when the idea occurred to me, the other day, it felt so absolutely right and the thought cheered me up all day long. letting go. changes. new. different. 

In the last few days my mind produced an endless list  with pro's and con's and i know that i could spend months editing new arguments on either side. 

i remember that i once promised myself, that if i had a very strong insight, a very strong intuition, i would set sail and go on the journey.

it was an empty promise. i don't sail. i don't count. i sit still. 

i don't trust myself and therefore i am my own biggest enemy.