Monday morning. the weekend is already 'lost in memories'. the forsythias are not blooming, not in my garden. I wonder why? last year they were the very first sign of spring, an exploding power of yellow. but this year they show no signs of yellow blossoms. they don't even grow. nothing. 

it is unusually hot these days and the newly seeded grass needs to be watered twice a day. quite some work. an hour  at a time - at least. 

i did not run. not on Sunday, not on Saturday.  i feel strange, how can I describe this. I'm not lacking energy, but at the same time it seems like the energy is not flowing. On the way back from the city yesterday I was suddenly not so sure anymore if the country side is the place to be. Maybe I should reconsider my decision and keep the apartment? all thoughts are floating in a big bubble. nothing makes sense. nothing points in any direction.  patience and faith are not my strengths. Am I  squandering  my life? where is my enthusiasm? what shadows joyful moments? why i am so doubtful?  there is some comfort in a routine. 

a step, the next step. 7.52 am.. 7.53 am. time is a perfect role model; it runs, regardless.